He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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