You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
