i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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