Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
