its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
