Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Randomize
