I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
