before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
