i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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