I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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