dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
