these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
