My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
