Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
