Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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