I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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