So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
