I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
