I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My ATM looks so different sober.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
