Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're a waste of cheezeits
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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