I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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