my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
