can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
