He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
