Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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