He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
