Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
