how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
