I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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