I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
