remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
