I should be sponsored by Trojan
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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