Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
