Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
