were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
