He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
