Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
