dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Michael Bay diarrhea
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
