Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
