We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
