i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
