either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
