You really coming over, don't trick.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
