You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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