I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
