my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you didnt know i had herpes?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
how drunk are you?
Several
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
