I wish I could teleport
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
