My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
