I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
