I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
