My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
